Beyond the Screen: The Intimacy of Parasocial Activity

Have you ever felt annoyed when your favorite streamer didn't go live, as if your best friend had stood you up? Or gotten angry at musicians who didn't release their album on the promised date? Waited for hours by a backstage door only for a star not to even say 'hi'?

If your answer is yes, welcome to the club.

Cambridge Dictionary has declared 'parasocial' its Word of the Year, defining it as a one-sided relationship you feel you have with a celebrity you don't actually know.

It's the kind of relationship where you know everything about them – their cat's name, their favorite food, why they broke up with their partner last week. Yet, they have no idea you even exist. It's harsh, but true. So why does our brain convince us of these 'impossible' friendships? Let's take an X-ray of our digital loneliness.

Your Screen-Mate Friend

Actually, this phenomenon isn't new. It also happened when our grandmothers would throw slippers at villains on TV, or our grandfathers would say 'Good evening to you too, my child' when the news anchor greeted them. Remember... Erol Taş, Yeşilçam's legendary villain, played his roles so well that he couldn't walk in the street in real life. People would insult him, even throw stones at him. Erol Taş, having already figured out parasocial dynamics back then, would say:

You're not throwing stones at me, you're throwing bread!

The man practically invented ragebait!

Let's fast forward to more recent history: Kurtlar Vadisi (Valley of the Wolves). What happened when Süleyman Çakır died in the series? People in Turkey held absentee funeral prayers and placed 'our condolences' announcements in newspapers. After all, what we used to call content was one-sided. The television spoke, and we listened. Today, things are far more complex.

When a streamer on Twitch says 'Welcome, Ahmet,' the dopamine receptors in your brain light up: 'They saw me! They recognized me!'

To return to the topic, that's the moment our evolutionary biology plays a trick on us. For hundreds of thousands of years, the human brain was wired to think: 'If I see someone's face this closely and hear their voice right next to my ear, this person is family.' Our brain isn't as smart as we think when it comes to distinguishing between the screen and reality. That's why when your favorite YouTuber looks into the camera and says, 'I'm feeling really down today, guys,' your brain goes into 'Oh no, they look so troubled today, I must help them' mode.

This is called the 'Dunbar's Number.' The human brain can maintain relationships with an average of 150 people. We now fill this quota not with our real friends, but with TV show characters and influencers.

The Loneliness Economy

Remember the crowd that used to cut themselves with razor blades at Müslüm Gürses concerts? That was the most extreme, most physical form of a parasocial relationship. They wanted to share the pain. Today, this 'bond' is established with a credit card. In other words, our evolutionary vulnerability has now turned into a multi-billion dollar industry.

So why is this emotion exploited? The answer is simple: because we're lonely. Research shows that the tendency to form parasocial relationships is higher in individuals with high 'attachment anxiety.' Forming a real-life friendship is difficult. It requires effort, time, and carries the risk of rejection. But subscribing to a streamer? Zero risk. The cost is clear: the price of a coffee a month.

Considering today's economy and our current circumstances, it's much more affordable and lightning-fast than socializing. In return, you 'buy' a friend who calls you 'king,' 'man,' 'our crew,' who doesn't judge you, and who is always there every evening (or when they upload a video). In Turkey, this has evolved into the culture of 'Big bro, I sent a donation, read my name.' Imagine, you pay money for someone to simply pronounce your name. This might be one of the saddest transactions of modern times.

We call this the 'Loneliness Economy.' And it's not just streamers; K-Pop idols, TV show characters... We are a nation that places obituaries in newspapers and distributes lokma (a sweet pastry) when Bihter Ziyagil (a fictional character) dies. Fictional characters or celebrities become the 'filler material' that fills the 'emotional voids' in our lives. But what happens when things go wrong, when that attention is withdrawn?

Feeling Betrayed

The darkest side of parasocial relationships is the feeling of 'betrayal.' Why do you get so angry when your favorite 'family man' influencer is involved in a scandal? Why do you participate in Twitter (X) mob campaigns? After all, someone you don't know made a mistake, right?

No. Because your brain perceives it as, 'They lied to me.' Your disappointment is personal. Your anger is personal. This is why 'Cancel Culture' is so brutal. We elevate our 'friends' to the heavens when we love them, and bury them when they make a mistake. Because subconsciously, we have a secret pact with them: 'I will watch and support you, and you will be my perfect dream friend.' When this pact is broken, love turns to hate.

Pull the Plug

So, what should we do? Shut down YouTube and move into a cave? Of course not. It's enjoyable to watch people and share in stories. That's not the problem. The problem is when these 'social snacks' replace our main meals. If on a Saturday night, you find it 'safer' to watch someone you don't know play games in their house instead of meeting a real friend, then stop right there. Remind yourself:

This person is not my friend. This is a performance. This is a job.

That on-screen intimacy ends when the lights go out. Your reality is the silence remaining in the room when you turn off that screen. Try to fill that silence with people who can truly hear your voice and look into your eyes without a screen. Because believe me, your favorite streamer might need your 'like,' but they lack the capacity to reciprocate your 'love.'

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